The final countdown

I started this post about 4x but never got past a paragraph – that is how tired I am lately. Walking up the stairs to my bedroom seems as a hike.  If you can recall that moment when you are dozing off on a couch and then quickly wake up – that moment when your eyes sort of open and you are coming back to real life – well, that is how I feel 24/7. It sucks. My day resembles my bassethound’s day way more nowadays. From couch to bed, from bed to couch and porch if the nasty rain goes away. Yes, a picture of energy lately.


Strangely though, all my blood work is excellent. Peachy, actually. So it is just the headache, itchy skin, heartburn – and yes, the fatigue. Sounds totally manageable given what I have but it is not good for my mind – that feeling of not able to do much of anything. The diet sucks right now – not because I can’t follow it but because the damn thing takes A LOT of planning, cooking and work. This is not an “open your fridge and grab something” diet. It takes a lot of thinking ahead and making your own stuff – and that is not my forte right now. Gym feels like Mt. Everest expedition.

So on the positive note, my skin is amazing (ha, not sure why), I lost 12 pounds and am down 2 sizes (upping my intake now to maintain – but all my pants just hang on me), the hair is super low maintenance and I like it, and I only have 5 more treatments to go. It is the Final countdown, yes! Who wouldn’t remember that one hit wonder – and the hair?

My short-term disability has been extended to early April so I have a whole month to recover and get myself back to 100%. I am glad I didn’t go to work which I had a small tendency to do as I was restless. Not now, I can see why they say to take the time.

Yet, even in this stage, I get calls from the healthcare providers and insurance company to reconcile the crazy bills. This whole part of healthcare is completely insane. I spent 12 hours last week reconciling everything, found over $50K of mistakes, called useless call centers where they know 4 operations  – and upped my blood pressure significantly. I get a letter from Anthem saying that the genetic molecular work my doctor did is experimental so not covering it – hello a new car! B and I were floored. I have to give huge kudos to my oncology office that takes some of these shocking events/letters and deals with all of it on my behalf. Reality is – there is no transparency or outcome-based choices in healthcare. You are in a complete lock down between the doctors and insurance companies. And if one of them sucks, you go down – not them.

Anyway – was I too negative today? Maybe – it is week 6 and supposed to be the worst – but not every week was going to be a beach day.  Ah, beach – that is where I want to be after all this is done. Just doing nothing – relaxing. (like this in Nizuc or this in Isla Mujeres). Maybe – or maybe I learn a bit more about my genetics – the choices you get to make these days 🙂

So I will end with some fun pictures when mum was here – we had a great time!

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  1. Hang in there girl! I sit here at my little cubicle in Columbia, MO and cry that you and your family have to go through this experience, but you have a great mindset about it all. I am so glad you mom came and you were able to spend the time with her. I look forward to the March posts as I pray you begin to feel more like your old self. You have my love and prayers.


  2. Misha your photos make me smile — you are all beautiful women – and those smiles are big and genuine. We are all counting down with you. Lots of hugs! /k


  3. Feel better Misa and thanks for the update! Hope Brian can use a few of his legal friends to help with any ‘surprises’ from the Insurance ‘providers’ Ugh!


  4. Hope you regain your strength soon. Give yourself time to heal, please. You’ll get there. Sending good vibes and lots of love. Bridget & fran


  5. I dropped a note in the mail to you and then remembered something I meant to share. Did you know that while the hair on your head will return, your body hair most likely will not return as it was previously? This could be a great thing if you don’t want to shave your legs in the summer, as an example. I typically only have to shave my legs once or twice per week in the summer and once per week in winter — my leg hair just doesn’t grow fast.

    I’d rather not have lost my hair once upon a time, but since I did . . ..


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