Radioactive for now but whatever it takes

Taking the chemo pill for the first time was rather emotional. I cried a bit – it became way too real and it also felt as if I was swallowing a poison pill. Anything that has 4 pages in font 6 of issues and side effects where 60% of people develop nausea and headaches – is not healthy. I had to remind myself that short term pain is a long term gain – hopefully! I was also questioning why if I feel great right now I need to swallow a pill that for sure is going to make me feel worse.

Well – I did swallow it and went to bed to just to sleep on it. I was anxious as I expected to wake up and hug the toilet but I slept through and felt fine. Was kind of celebrating on Monday – maybe I am one of those 40% that does not get sick? Not so fast, night 2 I was definitely hugging the toilet. I am taking that anti-nausea pill from now on – no need for bravado.

Radiation is going smoothly so far. I am blasting my own music from the room speakers in the hospital and it lasts for about 3 songs. I drive myself in and out. I have free ER valley parking so door to door it is less than an hour. I know it gets worse with the cumulative effect so not celebrating yet – but enjoying the feel good so far. Even though I lie there feeling nothing, I can’t shake the feeling that something radioactive is happening…… so this song was accompanying me today – to get myself pumped up.

Even the technicians thought it was an awesome choice 🙂 But really, I am going to do whatever it takes to beat this beast out of my system. I am exploring different diets as apparently these cells eat differently so let’s try to starve them a bit, exercise to mitigate the radiation/chemo effect, and doing tons of research on brain cancer in general. I am actually enjoying all the biogenetic babble and questioned if I should have gone to medicine – well, a hobby at this point maybe. I am also reading so much more – a few of my friends (thank you, Claudia) and colleagues (thank you Lakshmi and Kathryn) sent me packages of goodies and books to keep myself busy and I am plowing through it. This book really opened up my mind on how healthcare works or doesn’t in the US. I finished it in 24 hours – if you don’t want to read it, watch the new show The Resident – they adapted a lot of the concepts in there. Over 20 of you sent goodies and food which I love too – but probably let the kids consume those more – they adore all of you who sent chocolates, muffins, large fortune cookies! I also spend a lot more time with each of them which is a nice bonus – taking them 1 on 1 to our tea room in the neighborhood, going to the movies, long walks to get my 10,000 steps, working on long divisions in Singapore math (holy moly a whole new approach), doing projects, sitting at Emory watching them swim, following Mia riding a bike – it has been great – that part I appreciate. I am also grateful that I can do this without working with the support from my co-workers, manager and the generous short-term-disability policy I am on. I also got to connect with lots of friends and ex-colleagues – more personally on the phone, What’s App – people that I would normally not be in touch so much are back in my life somehow. It is heartwarming and strange at the same time – that we wait until something like this hits us. But call me, text me, email me  – if I don’t feel up to it, I won’t pick up or respond immediately but being in touch with others and not dwell on this medical stuff really helps. So as I said – whatever it takes.


  1. Glad to know it’s starting smoothly. I agree, the music was apropos! I’m helping a friend locally with her breast cancer journey, just spent the last 5 hrs “being her brain” as she refers to me. There is so much “extra stuff” besides just focusing on the healing. You are fortunate to have B and your local friends.

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  2. Thinking of you often Misha. I am also glad that so far it is going smoothly. I have heard that diet too can make a huge difference to the the cancer. I can just picture you pouring through everything you can to understand and have a plan. Hugs always to you!

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